Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Little Tishu


Align CenterI spotted her, stumbling in and out through a few people. All unaware of her presence, almost squashing her with their giant feet compared to her tiny little frame. Baby grabbed her and got her into a box we assumed was meant for her. Whoever that has left her there, or whoever that found her wondering around like we did, had her put into a box, with a bowl of water just outside the box, already dirty from days of dust and insects.

Got her a clean box, baby had to look through the food court we were in. I was having my bazaar and the day was really slow. Little kitty got us busy. Keeping her in the box was one difficult task, such a small little thing can be so determined at times. We were so amazed by her sense of curiosity. She struggled to climb those high walls of paper box, she managed to get out, but got herself placed back into where she came from.

Soon enough, she got tired and slept amongst the tissues we showered her,trying to give her the comfort she deserved all we could. That very moment, we named her Tishu. Our one and only Little Tishu.

The bazaar ended and we couldnt leave her there. We asked the hawkers if they will take in Tishu but they didnt want to. We had to bring her all the way back to OUG and we were more than happy. I have always wanted a cat, but she came at a very wrong time. Still I told myself that I'll make sure this cat stays alive, I'll care for it and give her my love. She was cleaned at my house, brought to baby's to be fed. Unfortunately she only had Tum Tum's cage to stay in. Abit small but enough for her to move around and sleep.

She wasn't allowed to be kept at baby's house, so we decided to ask a nearby vet if they would take her in. They wouldn't. They even asked us not to send her to SPCA due to the fact that they do put them to sleep if they don't have a place for animals. A very slim chance that Little Tishu will survive. This is what many people are unaware of. Animals do get killed even though they are brought to the animal shelter. It is rather sad to here that the main point a shelter can offer is a home to these animals, instead they kill them because they cant have all of them.

We brought Tishu back to my home, and we were so lucky that my mom accepted her, when we mentioned that Tishu's stay is just temporary. What she didn't know is that, I meant to keep her till Baby and I got ourselves a house, so that Tishu can have all the place she wants in the world. I hope she will be understanding enough to have Tishu stay for another 2 years until we have a house, haven't told her so, but sooner or later, I sense a WAR is going to happen like it did previously when I had Bummie. I love her, I love seeing Tishu grow up. Everyday is a beautiful day to come back to, seeing her just brightens up my day. She is my little baby =)

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

R.I.P I'll miss you

Just when I thought it will never happen.
It happened.

She went away looking at peace.
Im glad she looked happy.

Im also glad she doesnt feel the pain of having nurses inject needles into her flesh anymore
That she doesnt need to be confined on the hospital bed, unable to move from all the pain she must have felt.

That little time I spent with her at the hospital meant a whole lot to me
I never did saw her smile for a long time, back when I used to spend a few weeks with her.
But Im glad she did when I was by her side.

Although what I said might mean little, but as long as it got her smiling, nothing else mattered.
I wasnt sure it was time for her, because I never did expect her to go so fast
so soon..

She used to be a very smiley person
She wasnt fussy at all
She would buy me little toys from the roti man
She would drive me together to morning market to go veggie shopping with me
We listened to the evening news together
She would walk me to the park next door just so I can climb those bars
I would crawl beside her at night on her bed.
She would ask me stuff, talk to me, and we would laugh together.
She kept a garden just to keep herself busy
I remember those bougainvilleas.
I remember how she looked when she was snipping away some extra branches.

I remember the times when chinese new year were spent at her house in Seremban
Everyone from all over, will come back on the first day
and the aunties will be helping her cook, while cousins play hide and seek
come dinner, we'll be eating her homecook food, it was so fun
we'll be cleaning up after that, and then came those mahjong sessions
she would join us and she would win off all our little coins
oh man, i miss her

I admit I am not a good granddaugther. I was not there when she was still around.
I never did talk to her when she sat beside me during dinner. Maybe because the thought of her not remembering the next few minutes made me at lost for words. I admit I wasnt a good person. We used to be close last time but I guess we grew apart. But I do miss her. I miss her so much.

For the whole 3days of the funeral, I looked at her peaceful face, and wish she wasnt the one in the coffin. I wish someone would give me the chance to have her again. I wish I could turn back time. I wish I could snuggle at her side when I feel alone at night. I wish I was the one who brought her wherever she wanted to go. I wish I could cook and clean for her. I wish she is still alive. I just wish .. she didnt have to go. I wish she didnt have to go for me to want to do all these things. It never occur to me how I used to spent my school holidays with her. It never occur to me that I am one of her closest grandchild.It just never occur to me that she will be gone, that she is gone.

Today was the final day of her funeral, and I saw her for one last time and i miss her. I saw her coffin being placed into the cemetry lot that was hers and how I wish her coffin remained open so that I can see her face every single day. But it was closed and that was the last day for me to do anything for her.

I wish she was able to make it for my wedding.
I wish I get to see her smile when she looked at me in my wedding gown

Everytime I think bout her, I tear.

Oh I miss you poh poh..why did you have to go..

Monday, March 2, 2009

Making the promise by Douglas Robin Tan

I'd already planned the whole thing a good few weeks prior to our vacation... a good few weeks which involved quite a number of sleepless nights, perhaps due to me being excited or nervous... less of the latter I'm sure...

Unlike most cases, I'm proud to say that the "am I ready to commit?" thought never even crossed my mind. The only obstacle in my way seemed to be finances... which of course, can be worked out... and i can only hope that one day, i will be able to independently do more than just put food on the table and provide a roof over our heads... right now, i can't do it yet.
But regardless, i felt it was the right time...

On the 18th of February 2009... i decided to get the rings... one for her and one for myself.
As embarrassing as this may sound, i wasn't even sure which finger an engagement ring is worn on, but thanks to Wikipedia, i then knew for sure :)
It was a pretty tough time choosing a ring... to make matters worse, i wasn't at all sure of the sizing!
After a good few minutes of pondering, i decided on a pair, hoping to somehow estimate her finger size when i got back to see her later...
Unfortunately, i failed miserably... I was as unsure as i was before i tried to check.
So, i decided to just go along with it HOPING that the ring would be the right size...
The rings i chose were pretty simple, exactly how i like things.
For what it's worth, it represents the simple fact that i love her.
And if you've watched "I now pronounce you chuck and larry", a superbly hillarious Rob Schneider played a character which quoted: " the ring is like a circle, which is neverending... not like a square, which has edges... it's round, like a circle, and it never ends... not like a square.... it's a circle..."
Which is what love should be like... never ending :)

A day or two later, with my long time buddy Charmane for company, i decided to get the rings engraved with a simple yet greatly significant set of characters depicting the date that i was hoping to remember for the rest of my life.
We would be in Pulau Perhentian from the engraved date, 25.02.2009, till the 28th, so i did have 3 other dates to choose from as i wanted to give her no less than a memorably romantic proposal on the beach, under the stars, with waves washing ashore, caressed by the cool ocean breeze, and the feeling of soft sand beneath our toes...
But i figured proposing on the first night, would really make the whole holiday that much more memorable...

No turning back now :)

1 and a half weeks later, we boarded what was to be a terrible flight for her.
The nausea pill she took seemed to make things worse instead of helping subdue the sickness....
I won't go into detail, but i was really really worried throughout the whole flight...
"would she be feeling OK tonight??" i kept asking myself whiles comforting her throughout the 1 hour we'd prefer to forget....
Thankfully, everything turned out OK as soon as we checked in the resort.

Tuna Bay hadn't changed much. If anything, it looked better than before and the previous batch of staff who made it clear they weren't enjoying their work, was replaced with a new bunch of really really fantastic people who never hesitated to be of help... Kudos to Tuna Bay.... Kudos...

Shortly after settling in, we headed to the beach and i staked out THE spot.... and to my horror, I realized that there were no lights close to the deckchairs which i was hoping to have her sit down on whiles i did my thing... And i needed light because i planned to record the whole thing on her camera...

So... i decided not to wait till night time,
Which meant i would have to forfeit that blanket of stars i'd been hoping for.

Instead, i settled for an even more beautiful evening sunset ambiance, set against a scenic sky with a soft light blue tone, scattered with clouds highlighted by light orange linings...
And more than mere consolation was a lone star in the sky, chaperoned by a smiling moon which seemed to be looking down on us as i prepared for this once in a lifetime moment...
I couldn't have asked for anything better. It was as if nature rejected my plans, and gave me a better one instead. One which was surely suited to making it an even more special occasion, one that she deserved...

So there she was, appearing through the lens of the camera which i nervously tried to position...
I finally got a nice view through the LCD screen, accidentally took a photo as she looked at the camera, and what a nice photo it was.... her silhouette made me smile....
I gathered my thoughts and switched the camera to video mode and then, presented her with the ring I'd been holding on to for so long.

My proposal was greeted with her smile that literally made me weak at the knees, a sensation i conveniently hid as i knelt down and gazed into her eyes.
Expressing myself usually comes as second nature to me, but i was so overwhelmed by the occasion that i fumbled my words, struggled to find the right things to say, and totally forgot which finger i should put the ring on soon after...
I mumbled some stuff i barely remember, but i think it came out alright as she responded with an even sweeter smile, tears-of-joy filled eyes, and a passionate kiss.

I guess that's a yes.... =)

So we sat there in each others arms after i gently fit the ring onto her slim finger, cherishing every second as it passed.
From that moment on, we were changed. There was an even stronger bond between us.
And i knew that everything was right.

How do i know ?
Because as i embraced her, i felt that my love for her was stronger than it had ever been in the past 5 years and 10 months....
Because even after all those years, her smile still gives me butterflies in my tummy..
Because eventhough i see her almost everyday, i never fail to miss her when i lay in my bed alone at night..
Because when i don't hear her voice, my day seems incomplete...
Because when she's sad, i'm sad...
Because even with all my flaws, she's accepted me after all these years...
Because all the signs above are the symptoms of finding a new love and of being in love, and that's what loving someone is all about.

We shared an amazing remaining 3 days together. What I'd like to think of as an engagement honeymoon, filled with great food, cam-whoring, pina colada's, and everything in between.
Could i have asked for anything better? Definitely not.

The proposal, and the moment was nothing short of perfect.
Albeit with a ring that was 0.5mm too big.

And unlike many in the world today, i intend to keep the promise i made.

I love you... always have.... always will..

Sunday, March 1, 2009

A promise by Douglas Robin Tan


I promise you..

That i will be there for you when you need me most...and even when you don't :)

That i will love you every second of every minute, every minute of every hour, every hour of every day, every day of every week, every week of every month, every month of every year, and every year of our lifetime together.......

That i will wipe away your tears of sadness... and share your tears of happiness..

That with every second that fades.... my love will only grow stronger.

That for every step i fall short, i take 2 steps to make up for it...

That everytime i embrace you, i embrace you tightly... yet remaining gentle

That everytime i kiss you, i kiss you passionately... yet remaining tender

That i will wear couple t shirts with you.. eventhough i think their corny..

That i will publish this note, eventhough it is rather cliche.

That i will wear a pink shirt for you, even if i look queer...

That i will drum off beat, just to see you smile.. :)

That i will play as a goalkeeper, just to have more time to wave to you watching me... :p

That i will give up a 300hp roadster, for a 120hp family car, because you want me to :/

That i will do what it takes to be a friend to laugh with, a shoulder to cry on, a pillar of strength, a loving partner, a worthy fiance...

Because you, my love. Deserve nothing less, and everything more.